My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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