I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
