Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
