Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
