You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
