I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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