If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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