I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
