That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
