Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
