A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
