And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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