Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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