Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
