im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
