My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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