so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
