I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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