She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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