yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
