"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
