i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
