They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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