my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
