Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
