look no pants
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
