Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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