im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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