his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
