she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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