I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
