hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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