Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
