i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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