I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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