i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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