my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
