Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
