I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
