By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
