I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
