Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ketchup is God's man juice
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
