but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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