creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
