Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
