some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
