my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
