why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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