I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
