They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
