I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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