dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
