everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
